If your child is getting married this summer or maybe later this year, one of the things you may be dreading as the big day gets closer is how you’re going to manage to be around your ex. That can be especially daunting if you haven’t had to deal with each other much since your child became an adult.
No responsible parent wants to cause drama at their child’s wedding. Unfortunately, too many parents’ good intentions go out the window when they lay eyes on their former spouse – or after a few days of being thrown together at rehearsal dinners and other pre-wedding events.
How can you make sure this doesn’t happen to you? Here are a few tips.
Iron out financial and other issues early
If you and/or your ex is paying for all or part of the wedding, make sure these financial matters are settled. If you agreed to a division of wedding costs during your divorce or in a separate document later, that can make things easier.
Just be sure that everyone – including your child and their partner – is clear on who is paying for what. If the two of you have other unresolved issues, either try to resolve them ahead of the wedding or agree to put them on hold until afterward.
Choose your “plus one” carefully
Unless you have a new spouse or longtime partner, it’s often best to bring a close friend or sibling so you have someone to talk to if things get uncomfortable. They should also be someone who will calm you down rather than get you further riled up if your ex starts pushing your buttons.
A good plus one will also help you keep the drinking to a minimum. A glass of champagne to calm your nerves can quickly turn into multiple glasses and regretful words and actions.
Remember that you’re there for your child
You probably know by now that you have little control over your former spouse. However, you can control your reaction to them. It may help to think of them as a business associate you don’t much like but with whom you have to remain civil. If you commit to helping make this a wedding to remember for the right reasons, it’s easier to be the bigger person – no matter how much you’re put to the test.